Step One: Value ( or The Great Pricing Quiz!)

Just in case you didn't know, Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers is the greatest American rock band of all time.  I'm a huge fan, and still can't figure out how these guys make music that can be so chill and so melt-your-face at the same time.  Recently I've been listening to their album The Last DJ.  In the song that is the album's namesake, there is a line that I've always liked:

As we celebrate mediocrity all the boys upstairs want to see
How much you'll pay for what you used to get for free.

It's crazy how we just accept pricing.  We may complain and even stop buying for a little while, but the inevitable shoulder-shrug of acceptance comes around and we're right back into it.  I'm 32, so I can remember buying gas in high school for 94 cents per gallon.  These days, I see it priced at $3.17 and follow up with a fist pump and "Score!"  

I also nearly choke when I watch tv shows about fancy restaurants where the serving is incredibly small and the bill is incredibly large.  It's not worth it, no matter how good the food is!  There are a couple nice steak restaurants around here where the steaks are $50 each or higher!  I'm here to tell you in no uncertain terms that I can go buy a steak from a grocery store or butcher for less than half that price and grill it myself with equal if not better flavor.

I also openly mock people that spend serious bucks on a single clothing item.  If I see a pair of pants priced higher than $40, I want to know which pocket has the $10 bill in it.  This dress shirt is $70?  Is it made of golden cotton and diamond buttons?  Seriously, I'll go by Target, Kohl's, Old Navy, etc, and get the same thing for way, way less.  Unless we're talking about pants.  In my case I'm either too tall for my waistline or too fat for my inseam.  America's getting bigger around, and it's high time clothing companies went for the profit and catered to us!  And do NOT get me started on seeing children's shirts cost as much as an adult shirt.  That thing has like a third of the fabric, so where's my 66% discount you thieves!?

Tonight I went to a store called Anthropologie with Katie, and I was literally stunned at how proud these folks are of their goods.  I mean dos every item in there have a deep personal value to each and every employee?  So let's see how good you are at pricing this stuff.  I present....

Miniature Vulcan's Badonkadonk!  and also....

The Great One-Step Father Pricing Game!

The answers are in hidden text a few lines below each question, so all you have to do is highlight the space to get your answer! Write your results down and check your score with the handy scoring guide provided below.

 1.  This shirt is very light and a little sheer.  I feel like I see stuff like this is department stores regularly.  How much do you think it is?










Correct Answer: $158
This shirt is worth enough to give 50 hungry people a fast food hamburger.  It is also a little more than what we paid to our insurance company when my son was born.  According to this retailer, this shirt is worth more than my son.

2.  This shirt has less material than the last.  Sure it's nice, but you can get something like this almost anywhere.  How much is this shirt?

Correct Answer: $148
Really?  For the cost of this one shirt, I could by a full suit when the right sale is on.

 

 3.  This shirt is really freaking small.  Don't get me wrong, I would love for my wife to wear something that would be this revealing.  When I say this shirt is small, I mean it could be a dress for a baby.  And by baby, I mean baby mouse.  That small.  How much is this shirt?

Correct Answer: $128

This shirt is a fancy napkin.  This is two new games for my Xbox, which would give me hours upon hours of joy.

 

4.  Well here's a shirt with a little more to it.  Not heavy, but it isn't super light either.  The pattern is nice, but I'm pretty sure every store in the world carries this.  How much is this shirt?

Correct Answer: $248

What the tapdancing heck?!  Is there a decimal point missing?  Do they seriously think this shirt is worth half my Christmas budget?  The secret of spinning straw into gold had better be written out on the inside of this thing.

5.  Now this is a dress.  It's not a full dress, clearly, but it is a dress.  More material involved, but I think you can get a bolt of fabric at Wal Mart for whatever piece of string you pull out of your pocket.  Surely this is a reasonably priced item, right?

 

 

Correct Answer: $300

What.  The.  Heck.  I'm on Punk'd, right?  I will literally fight somebody over this.  I will absolutely buy the fabric, sew the dress, and put it on a hanger with enough leftover to buy that shirt in question 4 for $300.

6.  Time for a change of pace.  This is a dishtowel.  You will use this to wipe up the spilled spaghetti sauce on your counter or the puddle of tea in the floor.  You'll wash your hands after taking out the garbage and use this towel to dry them.  How much is this towel?

 

Correct Answer: $24

This is a dishtowel!  I can get three of these for a fifth of the price!  Please tell me you can wipe away the hurts of the world with this magical cloth.  Can I put it on my head and disappear like with Harry Potter's invisibility cloak?

7.  Let's consider this owl thing.  The head comes off, so it's either a cookie jar or a warning to other owls.  It's not big.  I'd say smaller than a regulation-sized football.  They sell these at every knick-knack corner of every store on earth.  How much?

Correct Answer: $128

Let me check again to see if this cookie jar is full of priceless diamonds, Mary Hart's legs, and Jennifer Lopez's caboose.  Nope.

8.  Here's my beautiful wife holding a tiny teacup.  This teacup could have been a prop for Bob Newhart's character in The Rescuers.  Very sad people can own this thing and still claim that "their cup runneth over with joy."  How much?

Correct Answer: $10

The only way I would pay $10 for this cup is if it was used by the ant messiah at the last ant supper.

9.  Last one, and it should be easy.  This is a case of bobby pins.  Bobby pins are made by putting metal shavings in a box.  There is more substance to a matchbox holding two staples.  How much is it?

Correct Answer: $15

Again.  Whaaaat?  This cannot be possible.  My wife buys bobby pins at Wal Mart in packs of 8 trillion for $1.97.  Unless these are made of pure Bobby Allison with a dash of early '90's Bobby Brown, I'm gonna pass.

 

How did you do?  Let's see what your score says about you. 

0 correct: You are a regular person with a keen sense of value. 

1-4 correct: You understand the lunacy of business.  The tag is worth more than the clothing.

4-8 correct: I'm a little concerned about you.  Surely you cheated by using the internet.

9 correct: You clearly shop at this store regularly which means you make too much money or are provided for by someone who makes too much money.  I hate to say "You are the 1%" but a hippy with no work ethic and way too much time to participate in a drum circle should Occupy Your Bank Account.