Step One: Personal Hygiene (or The Bellybutton: Nature's Built-In Booger Storage)

There's not much that says more about someone than personal hygiene. To be fair, this can be a slightly subjective subject from the male point of view. Hygiene for a "man" can mean neat hair, clean-shaven, and flossed teeth. Hygiene for a "guy" means he's doing good if he's bathed in the last three days."

Axe Body Spray- check.  Sweet shades- check.  Hellooooo, Ladies!

I've got a suspicion that my son is going to be a "guy," which to be fair, he may come by naturally.  If my job didn't require me to not smell like Pepe Le Pew, I probably would trend more to the neglectful side.  Not "Hobo Neglectful," just "Sniff-Check" neglectful.  The boy used to be the epitome of baby style.  As an infant, bath time was one of his favorite times of the day.  Of course, bath time was also right before his evening meal, so I would be happy too.

Make mine a double! 

He also had awesome hair.  He still does, but I'm talking for-real awesome.  It progressed from Cupie Doll to Curly Mohawk to Angelic White Fro.  It has since straightened out and darkened a little but is full of potential.  That being said, a hairbrush and mousse rarely make their way into his locks.  Bath time is no longer his favorite either.  He'll do it if you press the issue, but to be honest he's gone to school more than once with a two-day-old Tumblebus stamp on his arm.  Brushing his teeth is a challenge as well.  Me: "Hey, you've got Oreo in your teeth.  Let's go brush."  Him: "No, I'm okay.  I'll drink some milk."  I really think the only reason he ends up brushing is because he gets to spit.  Maybe if I put some spittoons around the house we could start "Old West Prospector Hygiene."

He said the shower is near!

The clincher was when we asked him what his belly button was for.  His response?  "I put my boogers in there, and then I eat them!"  Now I know that navels serve as excellent lint traps, but booger storage was a new one on me.  We could excuse it as snack storage for later, but hey, it's not.  (Or It Snot...get it?  Meh, not successful digging for gold on that one.)

But seriously, have you heard about Lindsay Lohan?

This one bears more research.  What seems to work right now is informing him that his hair smells like playground dirt, so I guess we'll keep using that ploy.  Until girls become a priority I'll just deal with my little ragamuffin, and take his upkeep as I get it.  At the end of the day, he's happy, doesn't smell like a trash can, and has become an excellent spitter.  And if we can give him one more place to pick for boogers than we had as children, then clearly we are doing our job as parents.