Obscene amounts of P.F. Chang's is not the answer, South Park fans.
Each father has different ingredients to his Paternal Pizza (geez, that was a terrible metaphor). What is it about my father that made me who I am today? First off, I want to put dad on a pedestal for a moment. I could not possible ask for a better father. I was neither spoiled nor deprived. I was treated with a fairness and justness that stems from deep love, and it was all held together with much humor and fun.
Like my father, I like just about any music. If you look in his record collection, you'll see Jerry Reed and ZZ Top; Lionel Richie and The Beatles; David Bowie and Juice Newton. Me? My iPod features Frank Sinatra, The Darkness, Tupac, Dion, Tom Petty, The Push Stars, Nirvana, Outkast, and MC Chris. I've got old CD's of Beethoven and Mozart. Somewhere around here are a couple cassettes of Bryan Adams "Everything I Do" single from Robin Hood Prince of Thieves and the soundtrack from the 1960's Batman TV Show. I am trying to pass this on to my son, with a tiny bit of success. He likes OK GO's "Here It Goes Again" and "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" by The Tokens. Recently he's been singing "I Believe I Can Fly" and Taylor Swift's "22." It's really fun when he asks about our hallway decorations.
Dad also gave me my love for the Alabama Crimson Tide. I'm pretty sure the natural order of all things good would have led me there regardless, but for many years Dad and I have piled into the truck together to drive to Tuscaloosa to watch the Tide play. I place a very high value on this time, and not just for the football reasons I spout off readily. Having this time where it's just Dad and I until we get to the stadium and meet my uncle is a highlight for me. We don't talk about anything deep or meaningful. We just shoot the breeze, and it's fantastic. His mother, my wonderful Mamaw, was at each game through the 80's until the mid-90's when she passed. At the time, I was more focused on sitting by Mamaw for the free food and drinks that would surely flow. It was totally worth the price of having my leg beaten half to death with an excited patting each time Bama did something big. These times set up all the good trips that have followed, and one day I'll bring Sean along too. Three generations will once again grace the Capstone, and I'm sure the free drinks and snacks will once again pour forth.
Dad has also done something more important than any of those: he has given me a powerful moral compass. To be completely honest, you could double my integrity, and I still wouldn't be close to him. His assured and honest faith in God is a stunning example of what I should strive for. I have watched my father get royally screwed by long-time business relationship where the other person lied, and in my opinion stole, from my father's business. This dirtbag led to the eventual sale of a company that my father and his brothers founded when I was very young. Throughout this time, Dad told us that the other person needed the Lord, and I have no doubt he prayed for this man to find Jesus. I'm not sure I could have done that. I'm not sure I would be very polite, unless he said, "Please give me a dragon punch." Dad tried to give the man every chance to make things right, and when he had to let people go he made calls on their behalf to help them find work. It's an unbelievable testament to the power of doing the right thing, especially in difficult times.
One of the most helpful things he did and still does was also at times very frustrating. If I wanted to know what to do or how to do something, he would often let me get to the answer myself instead of just telling me what to do. Sometimes, like when we looked at homes for the first time, he would comment what was not too bad and what could be better, but it was always on me to make the choice that these things would impact my decision. Over the years I have learned to listen better when he does this. He's telling me what to look for and what to consider without giving me the easy way out. I feel like I am more ready to handle life and adult choices, and if I make the wrong choice it's okay. I can deal.
And it's not just my dad. My grandfather, who served his country and who has journeyed from punching a superior officer through a window to driving to the grocery store to buy Lunchables for his great-grandson, even if he had no idea what they were. My other grandfather, the lovable curmudgeon, while he doesn't usually go overboard to be prominent, has such a sense of mischief and fun that you never know when something classic is going to happen, like finding out he banged on a hotel door, thinking he was waking friends, only to have the door answered by a large and unhappy man. I was very fortunate to be raised in an atmosphere of love, individuality, responsibility, and fun.
I am ecstatic that my son is blessed enough to have men like this have a hand in raising him. I am both encouraged and chastened by what I often feel is a tremendous lacking in how I act as a father. If I stand back from it, I think I do pretty good. It's the moment after the moment, when I see my son's disappointed face because I just don't want to play right now, when I've had a very trying day and I let my temper get the best of me when he's just being a kid, when he's frustrated by something and I just can't find the right words to encourage him, that I feel woefully unprepared for what the future may hold. But I do what I'm sure my father did. I keep trying. I have to remind myself that my dad dealt with it all for the first time too, and I don't remember ever feeling disappointed or sad about anything he did.
If you are a father, you are the product of the influence of all the important men in your life. I hope you were fortunate enough to have men of character and principle around you. I hope you feel compelled to be an impactful presence to young people that are not so lucky. That doesn't mean you have to spend every waking hour tutoring and mentoring. Look around and you'll see someone at church, through work, maybe even in your own family that just need to know that there are good men out there that care for them, are willing to show them what being a man means, and what being a father means.
Happy Father's Day to my father, fathers-in-law, and grandfathers. Happy Father's Day to my brother. Happy Father's Day to all the fathers out there.
Dad also gave me my love for the Alabama Crimson Tide. I'm pretty sure the natural order of all things good would have led me there regardless, but for many years Dad and I have piled into the truck together to drive to Tuscaloosa to watch the Tide play. I place a very high value on this time, and not just for the football reasons I spout off readily. Having this time where it's just Dad and I until we get to the stadium and meet my uncle is a highlight for me. We don't talk about anything deep or meaningful. We just shoot the breeze, and it's fantastic. His mother, my wonderful Mamaw, was at each game through the 80's until the mid-90's when she passed. At the time, I was more focused on sitting by Mamaw for the free food and drinks that would surely flow. It was totally worth the price of having my leg beaten half to death with an excited patting each time Bama did something big. These times set up all the good trips that have followed, and one day I'll bring Sean along too. Three generations will once again grace the Capstone, and I'm sure the free drinks and snacks will once again pour forth.
Dad has also done something more important than any of those: he has given me a powerful moral compass. To be completely honest, you could double my integrity, and I still wouldn't be close to him. His assured and honest faith in God is a stunning example of what I should strive for. I have watched my father get royally screwed by long-time business relationship where the other person lied, and in my opinion stole, from my father's business. This dirtbag led to the eventual sale of a company that my father and his brothers founded when I was very young. Throughout this time, Dad told us that the other person needed the Lord, and I have no doubt he prayed for this man to find Jesus. I'm not sure I could have done that. I'm not sure I would be very polite, unless he said, "Please give me a dragon punch." Dad tried to give the man every chance to make things right, and when he had to let people go he made calls on their behalf to help them find work. It's an unbelievable testament to the power of doing the right thing, especially in difficult times.
One of the most helpful things he did and still does was also at times very frustrating. If I wanted to know what to do or how to do something, he would often let me get to the answer myself instead of just telling me what to do. Sometimes, like when we looked at homes for the first time, he would comment what was not too bad and what could be better, but it was always on me to make the choice that these things would impact my decision. Over the years I have learned to listen better when he does this. He's telling me what to look for and what to consider without giving me the easy way out. I feel like I am more ready to handle life and adult choices, and if I make the wrong choice it's okay. I can deal.
And it's not just my dad. My grandfather, who served his country and who has journeyed from punching a superior officer through a window to driving to the grocery store to buy Lunchables for his great-grandson, even if he had no idea what they were. My other grandfather, the lovable curmudgeon, while he doesn't usually go overboard to be prominent, has such a sense of mischief and fun that you never know when something classic is going to happen, like finding out he banged on a hotel door, thinking he was waking friends, only to have the door answered by a large and unhappy man. I was very fortunate to be raised in an atmosphere of love, individuality, responsibility, and fun.
I am ecstatic that my son is blessed enough to have men like this have a hand in raising him. I am both encouraged and chastened by what I often feel is a tremendous lacking in how I act as a father. If I stand back from it, I think I do pretty good. It's the moment after the moment, when I see my son's disappointed face because I just don't want to play right now, when I've had a very trying day and I let my temper get the best of me when he's just being a kid, when he's frustrated by something and I just can't find the right words to encourage him, that I feel woefully unprepared for what the future may hold. But I do what I'm sure my father did. I keep trying. I have to remind myself that my dad dealt with it all for the first time too, and I don't remember ever feeling disappointed or sad about anything he did.
If you are a father, you are the product of the influence of all the important men in your life. I hope you were fortunate enough to have men of character and principle around you. I hope you feel compelled to be an impactful presence to young people that are not so lucky. That doesn't mean you have to spend every waking hour tutoring and mentoring. Look around and you'll see someone at church, through work, maybe even in your own family that just need to know that there are good men out there that care for them, are willing to show them what being a man means, and what being a father means.
Happy Father's Day to my father, fathers-in-law, and grandfathers. Happy Father's Day to my brother. Happy Father's Day to all the fathers out there.
